Hard to Believe: PROMISE & DESTINY

it always gives me an uneasy feeking about promises
& destiny..the thing about those are it's very sacred.
uhmm...what you always desire may require this
factors.

for me promises:
..are special in a way when someone will tell it to me
it's always a 100% sure they'll keep it. no matter what
happens, whatever it takes - YOU JUST GOT TO DO IT.
..i once hate this, when mom told me she'll go home after
3 years staying in japan - i expected so much that turned
out to be hurting myself alot.
since then, i never give promise to someone if i knew myself
that i had a small doubt of not doing it.

as for destiny:
..it's unexplainable thing on me whether i believe on this or not.
uhmm maybe 50-50 if i rate it. it's soo very vast to analyze
how did some unexpected things that happened to me turned
out to be destiny without knowing why?..
im destined to be where i live now..
im destined to be separated with my friends and bandmates?
im destined to be this small?
im destined to be loved by cj?


i don't know? it's hard sometimes to rely on this 2, but i wanna
believe somehow..it's like a prayer sometimes..
you'll pray it so many times but you dont know when it'll be
heard by Him.

so this time of my life..whether my promises for everyone will
come true or what..i know myself im still the boss of it.
it'll never come true if i just think about it - I NEED TO WORK ON IT!
destiny is here i know..it's inside of me..and
I'M THE ONE WHO MAKES MY OWN DESTINY.
dont know how, or why but i enjoy my life as it is now.
whether it's destiny or not ^-^

define my First kiss?

after we blew the cake its the best moment in my life!
those bags are full of foods! up to that bag i had! haha
and his 3 red + 3 white roses~

it was last night when i had my first kiss on the lips
from a guy i love at this age of 19...

yeah although we were celebrating our 1st month
together it didnt pictured in my mind that i'll have this
first kiss. I usually kiss him on his cheeks, forehead..
well yeah..that's it! :D
But last night, when everything was in peace..
no wind;
no noise;
by the seashore;
in his arms,
after we blew the cake..he smiled;
looked straight in my eyes,
my heart beats at its best!!..
..he move his head closer to mine..
my eyes open up a bit wide...
..he's still smiling and whispered,
"..you'll have your first kiss now a gift from me..happy 1st month honey.."
..i can't move back..
this is it!..
his lips gently touch my lips so tense..'
i closed my eyes..feel him breathe on my face..
..it was so soft..so sweet and tasted like mallows!
i don't remember how long..but not that long in min.
after he kissed me..i smiled so happy and hug him
tight and whisper back, "thank you and i love you so much.."
he replied, "i love you too beyond what you could see..
feel my heart it says : you only love joy!"..
hehehe i laughed!..
he told me he likes the way i giggle and laugh like i
usually do when im with him...
he caught my eyes again..and give 3 kisses again in me.
i'm sooo happy!..


never had imagine how would my first kiss will be..
but that moment God gave a wonderful time for me..
I'll treasure it forever.

our mouth was full of food! haha
everyone: he had my first kiss!